Invictus Blog

Learning to Let Go Through Emotional Vulnerability
Written by Bryce Smith

July 3, 2018.

That date will forever be ingrained in my memory because that is the day my dad lost his battle with brain cancer. When he passed, I felt a part of me died as well. My dad was not a perfect dad. He drank too much sometimes, had financial stresses, had very little patience, and struggled with anxiety and depression.

He did two things incredibly well though. He loved my mom unconditionally, and he believed in me and my siblings wholeheartedly. I grew up knowing what true love was because I saw it every day. I saw how they helped each other out and gap filled the other one’s shortcomings. His belief in me has enabled me to always believe everything was going to be okay.

I remember a specific instance where I had a hole in the bottom of my shoe from playing kickball. I asked my dad if I could get some new shoes. I can remember them to this day, they were some black and grey airwalk shoes from Payless. I thought they were the coolest shoes. Little did I know what Payless was. My parents made me feel like they were an amazing pair of kicks. My dad told me that he couldn’t afford shoes at the moment, but he walked me to the garage where he repaired the shoes at the workbench with cardboard and duct tape. He said that he was sorry that he couldn’t afford to get me some new shoes but that he hoped they felt better and didn’t hurt my feet anymore. I remember being so happy about this moment.

Seeing how my dad was always able to make what seemed like monumental challenges into bite-size chunks made me really admire him. He always did the little things. I remember running football routes with my brother and my dad was the quarterback. My brother was always bigger, faster, and stronger than me and I would always get frustrated that I couldn’t get open against him. My dad would tell me the truth. He would say “figure it out.” If you run better routes and have cleaner lines, you can take better angles to outsmart him. I gradually applied this knowledge and started getting a few more completions. And then as I got older, I acquired the size and skill necessary to win.

The secret is in the little things he would say. It was always the small daily habits. How you spend your mornings. How you talk to yourself. What you read. What you watch. Who you share your energy with. Who has access to you. He ingrained good habits into us at a young age, but more importantly, he lived them. He would wake up at 6 am each morning and get ready for work. He would wake us up for school and leave vitamins for us. He then defrosted meat for dinner that night and went to work while my mom took over the children duties, made our lunches, and took us to school. He would then pick us up from school after basketball practice. Right when he got home, he would change out of his business clothes, and go workout in the garage. After working out, he would play with us in the yard while grilling the meat and my mom would prepare the veggies and rice or potatoes. This is where the competition grew. He didn’t let us win. He roughhoused with us, he talked smack with us, and he truly believed we could “get it done” in whatever aspect of life we chose.

My brother went on to become a doctor and I went on to become a high-level basketball player. The recruiting process was hard on me and my family. So much travel to play in tournaments and gain exposure all while trying to get good grades, be a kid, and still evolve as a high character human being. My dad took me to every single game and was with me through the good games at the bad. He was with me during the late-night running hills, running stairs, getting shots up, working on my dribbling skills, doing push-ups, and in constant pursuit of excellence. He was there when coaches would make massive promises and then under deliver. He was there when coaches would offer scholarships and then retract them after a bad performance. He taught me the value of hard work and attention to detail. But most importantly, he taught me to never get too high and never get too low. He always taught us to keep our head high and maintain strength through adversity. Through it all, the ups, the downs, and everything in between, he always believed in me.

This belief was something that always gave me strength no matter where I was in the world. When I played college basketball, played professional basketball overseas, or began my CrossFit career, I always had his support. I always believed I had an anchor who would tell me the truth without sugar coating. Even when he was battling cancer, I would call him to ask how he was doing, and he would always ask how me, Invictus, and clients were doing. That was all lost on July 3, 2018. The valuable lessons, the character, the special memories, the love, and the challenging moments will always remain, but somewhere I felt like I lost my anchor.

When that anchor was lost, I felt like I had to whole-heartedly serve the world with everything I had just like he always did. In doing so, I lost my way. I developed some of the same anxiety and depression that he dealt with later in his life. Maybe it’s genetic, maybe it’s caused by circumstance as I am by no means a mental health expert. But for many months I have felt lost. I have been searching for an anchor. I have been in search of someone to tell me the truth and help guide me in the right direction. I have been searching and searching for more and more. Come to find out, the magic isn’t in what you gain, it isn’t in what you lose, but in what you let go of.

Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place. My name is Bryce Smith and I am a strength and conditioning specialist turned entrepreneur who vows to make a life of helping others.

But before helping others, I have to help me. Sharing part of my story is me saying that the secret towards enlightenment is emotional vulnerability. By sharing your story to others, you allow people to resonate with similar challenges and it creates a safe space. You by no means have to do this, but I have seen lots of success with myself and others by embracing this vulnerable spirituality. By learning to let go of things, thoughts, and habits that no longer serve you, you make room for the things that are actually meant for you or you carry a lighter pack which is also very cool.

So far in my journey, I have learned a lot about empathy, compassion, and mental challenges people face, but more importantly, I’ve learned that just because you are letting go of the things not meant for you, you can still hold on to the things that are.

I truly believe there is power in emotional vulnerability and that the future of optimizing overall wellness is storytelling. With the growth of podcasts and hearing the many stories shared in a public forum, I think it can help create positive growth for the world. If you would like to share your battle with loss, letting go, challenges with anxiety, depression, or simply want to share parts of your story, feel free to email me at [email protected] Hopefully, this is the start of something special that can help impact the world in an innovative way.