What Motivates You: Your Ego or Your Purpose?
Written by Calvin Sun
Motivation is an interesting thing and the crux of many aspiring athletes and struggling clients. It doesn’t seem to matter if the goal is standing on a podium or losing a few postpartum pounds, motivation that lasts becomes an increasingly difficult challenge for many people. Motivation is not to be confused with willpower. Any hopeful athlete can endure a single, grueling, nausea-inducing training session and anyone who wants a six-pack can resist their sweet tooth for a day. But when things get difficult and temptation presents itself, are you able to stay motivated and on the path to achieving your goals? If you’ve been unsuccessful thus far, it’s possible that it’s because your motivation has been coming from the wrong place.
As a coach, I’ve observed that there are two primary types of people, those who are motivated primarily by their ego and those who are motivated by their purpose. The ego is the illusion of the self. Some define it as the approval-seeking social mask worn by many people. It’s the part of you that defines itself separate from all others and cares about superficial things such as how many “likes” your latest social media post has received. Many athletes compete and train from this place and many clients work towards their goals from this place as well. They chase goals for the external validation it will bring their ego. Unfortunately, I haven’t observed this to be a strategy that leads to long-term success. Ego-driven athletes tend to be the ones that find the least amount of joy in what they do. They also tend to have trouble getting “back in the saddle” and staying focused after a loss, failure, or when they encounter an obstacle. Instead of identifying the lessons that could be learned, they spend most of their energy comparing themselves to others and blaming things outside of their control for their shortcomings. See the following list of characteristics, does this sound like anyone you know?
Characteristics of an Ego-driven Athlete:
Competes to beat other people and show that they are “better” than everyone else.
Feels the need to prove something to their friends, coaches, parents, etc.
Enjoys competition only if they win.
Views failures as setbacks or disasters and likes to blame others.
Feels envy, jealousy, or anger when others are successful.
Believes athletic abilities are a key component of their identity and self-worth.
Most, if not all, actions are self-serving and selfish in nature.
Tends to be narcissistic, egocentric, and lacks selflessness.
Values significance, approval of others, and external motivators above all else.
The ego-driven person has mistaken what they have or what they do for their own identity. You can see that the individual motivated by their ego lives by a set of rules that makes it very difficult to experience joy or happiness as they work towards a given goal. In my experience, I’ve seen the highest rates of burnout from people who pursue their goals from this place. This is not to say they can’t achieve some level of success, but for many ego-driven people, they struggle to maintain the drive needed to continually succeed.
Interestingly enough, the individuals that are motivated by purpose tend to stay motivated effortlessly while enjoying the process far more than their ego-driven counterparts. Purpose can be defined as the deeper reason, or the “Why”, that drives you to pursue any goal. An individual driven by purpose behaves very differently. They tend to be less concerned with things like their placement on the leaderboard or the balance in their bank account. Yet, these individuals are often just as successful (as defined by conventional terms), if not more so, than those who are driven from ego. Instead of being misled by a self-serving ego, they are motivated to act by a greater purpose in their life which, most can agree, is far more powerful.
Characteristics of a Purpose-driven Athlete:
Competes against their self in the pursuit of self-improvement.
Feels totally self-confident and doesn’t need external validation for their efforts.
Enjoys competition without regard to the outcome.
Views failures and setbacks as opportunities to learn and grow.
Feels genuine joy and happiness when others are successful.
Understands that their athletic abilities are impermanent and not a measure of self-worth or their identity.
Displays selflessness and a desire to help serve others in their journey.
Values personal growth, contribution to others, and intrinsic motivators.
Sometimes the outcomes and results may look similar at first glance, but you will most likely find that the purpose-driven individual is far happier and satisfied with their progress and achievements than the ego-driven athlete. For example, if the only way you could ever be happy with yourself as an athlete is to win the CrossFit Games, you’ve just created a difficult, almost impossible, and statistically unlikely set of requirements in order to be happy. However, if you simply find joy in the process of becoming the best athlete you are capable of becoming and attaining mastery of various athletic skills, you are setting yourself up for success on many levels. There’s no need to achieve complete ego-transcendance to experience but if you want to be more successful in any goal you pursuing, take some time for yourself to clarify your purpose or your “Why”. Remember, a bigger “Why” always results in an easier “How”.
For more thoughts on purpose, intrinsic and extrinsic motivation, and improving your mental game, check out “The Invictus Mindset: An Athlete’s Guide To Mental Toughness”. In the book, we discuss the importance of a purpose and tools to help you manage your ego to serve you in improving your performance in any facet of life. We’ve received tons of great reviews about the book and we’d love to hear your thoughts as well. Feel free to comment here on the blog or on the Invictus Facebook page.
View Comments
I think a Nietzschean analysis here might be more insightful.
The people who say that a healthy attitude toward athletic competition is one in which you "compete against yourself" for the sake of "self-improvement" are the people who suck at athletic competition. Instead of doing something else that they're good at, they are drawn to the practice for reasons other than those that established the practice. They "compete" to enjoy the benefits of the community, the health benefits of training, the camaraderie of the team, etc. But their fragile egos can't handle the fact that they suck at doing what the practice, the competition, was set up to do: determine who is best at Sport X. So, they are unconsciously pulled to "overturn" the existing value system on which the practice was established. They tell themselves that, not only is winning not everything, it's not even important. They start calling all the podium finishers winners despite the fact there is only one winner. They tell themselves that the purpose of the competition, despite all evidence to the contrary, is self-improvement. "I compete against myself", they say, as if that made any sense.
When several of these people get together, and their similar attitudes are revealed, the prospective safety of the herd leads them to take a nasty turn, out of resentment that the winner of the competition still gets respect and accolades for winning. It is, after all, hard to hold a competition and not have a winner. But the herd tells itself that the desire to beat other people and win is an unhealthy attitude to take to competition. What explains that desire?, they ask themselves. It could only be that they want to harm other people! They hate the people they compete against! No, it's a selfish ego-satisfaction thing! Whatever, they are bad people! Yeah, we do not want to be like those bad people!
Everyone is entitled to their opinion. That's why its an opinion and not a truth. Personally I liked the way athletes acted when I was younger. I'm 74 right now and remember when there seemed to be much more humility in athletes. This need to humiliate and crush opponents I believe is unhealthy and does nobody any good and is probably worse for the victor. I hope our society goes through this phase of "self-worship" as quickly as possible.